Marrying Off Malfoy
by super sycoh
Summary: “Alright. .well. I’ve asked you here to ask you something,” he continued. Hermione watched him stand up and wobble. He got down on one knee and held out a small white box with a beautiful ring in it. “Her” hiccup, “mione, will you be Mrs. Draco Malfoy?
1. MARRY ME

**MARRYING OFF MALFOY**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Forever and ever and ever.**

**MARRY ME**

"So what does eccentric billionaire Draco Malfoy want with me," asked Hermione Granger taking the seat next to the handsome drunkard.

Hiccup. "GRANGER! How," he hiccupped, "have you been?" He hiccupped some more.

"You're drunk," she said looking disgusted.

"Well. Not completely. But my drinking habits are not why I called you here today," he said somewhat lucidly. He waited for her to acknowledge his remarks before continuing. "You know I haven't been quite the same after my father was . . . well you know..."

"Yes, could you hurry it up Malfoy, I don't want to be in this snarky bar any longer," she said taking a look around the small pub. It was dark, and was mostly inhabited by the lowly sort of people; hags, goblins, and hobbits.

"Alright . . . well. I've asked you here to ask you something," he continued. Hermione watched him stand up and wobble. He got down on one knee and held out a small white box with a beautiful ring in it. "Her-" hiccup, "-mione, will you be Mrs. Draco Malfoy?"

"ARE YOU MAD?" she shrieked. She then stood up and helped Draco to his feet to reprimand him some more. "You've gone completely bonkers you mad fool," she whispered into his ear while dragging him out of the pub, despite his protests of "I've still got half a bottle of whiskey to finish."

"Malfoy," she said once they were a good distance away from the pub, "what's gotten into you? Is this a cry for help or summat? Should I rush you to St. Mungo's, because you've really scared me there at the pub."

"I'm very quite," hiccup, "serious." He looked here squarely in the eyes and said, "I want you to be my wife."

"You don't even know me," she said. She continued to drag him along with her. Thoughts raced through Hermione's head, she didn't know why she didn't walk away from him and leave him for someone else to deal with, but she had a feeling that if she did things would become much, much worse for her. So instead she walked briskly, the rakish Mr. Malfoy in tow.

"A little bump," he said, "but I assure you that we can overcome that."

"Malfoy," she said before taking a large breath of air, "there's also that little thing about me . . .well. I don't fancy you at all. Why on earth would I marry someone I'm not completely taken with?"

Draco stopped for a moment and thought about her question in earnest. Well, as earnest as a slightly tipsy man would have and he answered, "Because I'm a pitiful shell of a man, and let's face it...I'm devilishly good-looking." He threw her one of those knee-trembling smirks, gave a small chuckle, and ran his hand through his beautifully blond hair.

Now, any other girl would have simply melted at this smirk, but since this is Hermione Granger we're talking to, so she merely semi-melted at the grin. Now flustered, Hermione scoffed at the truth. "As if," was all she had to say to that.

"Please Hermione," he continued entreating, "I'll beg you."

"I'd rather you didn't," she said, quickly looking around the park they were walking in. Only about seven handfuls of seniors, children, nannies, and pets would have been there to witness his begging, but she was convinced that she would be scarred for life. Only her scar wouldn't be as easily seen as Harry's, it would be one of those invisible emotional scars. The emotion in question of course would be embarrassment. "Malfoy," she said, "I'm trying desperately to convince myself that you've gone loony, and that the alcohol is terrible, terrible influence on you." She stopped and took him by the shoulders. "You don't really mean to propose to me. You're just really wasted that your judgment is horribly impaired."

He cleared his throat with a quick cough, and answered back: "I've sobered up quite a bit." Then added seriously, "I DO KNOW what I'm talking about." He took her hands off his shoulders and held them in his own. "What's so bad about being my wife Hermione? I'm not a bad guy. A little weird I'll give you that, but I'm not my father. I haven't the same ideals, I'm a better man than he ever was."

Hermione let out a sigh. "I know that, but you're asking a lot from someone who hasn't given you so much as a second thought since we left Hogwarts. You'll find someone, don't worry. You're quite eligible; you'll find yourself a wife."

"Hermione," he said, "I don't feel like looking. I'm quite lazy. You're here already! Why not just say 'yes!'"

"Malfoy," she said, "I've got a boyfriend. As you can see, that spot has already been filled."

"I'm not asking to be your boyfriend, I'm asking to be your husband," he replied simply. "You can keep him around as sort of kinky concubine on the side if you want."

She glared at him. "No," she answered, "no, NO, NO, NO!"

"Alright, I suppose you want dinner first and all that jazz right?" he asked laughing.

"You're hopeless! I don't want to marry you! I don't need you!" she huffed, "isn't there someone else that you could harass into being your wife?"

"Harass? I'm asking you nicely Granger. . ." Draco sat down on a bench and buried his face into his hands. Hermione had never seen anyone look so desperate, and deciding to give him another chance, she sat next to him on the bench. In all honesty, he was asking nicely, unfortunately for Hermione it was in the most unconventional kind of nice she'd ever experienced.

"How 'bout you find other candidates for your wife," she proposed. "Surely there are others, I can't have been your ONLY choice."

"There are plenty of women in all of Europe who would love to be my wife, but not enough women who are smart, and witty, and dignified to carry the Malfoy name. And I don't feel like looking." He leaned back on the bench and closed his eyes, and the pair sat for a minute in complete silence. Hermione was about to poke him when all of the sudden he jolted straight, and looked at her with a plan clearly visible in his eyes. "Hermione," he asked, "What exactly have you been doing for work lately?"

"Well. . . I write for various papers, magazines, and I have a weekly column with the _Prophet_ featuring some diary entries of mine from Hogwarts. It's quite popular actually--"

"Yeah, yeah that's nice," he said cutting her off. "So you don't do any REAL work do you?" Hermione was insulted immediately. "So you would have a lot of free time on your hands I mean," he said quickly correcting himself.

"Yes," she said, "but what's my job got to do with anything?"

"If you wont be my wife...will you help me FIND a wife," he asked with pleading eyes.

Hermione was taken aback. "You drag me out of Lavender's baby shower for this?" she shrieked. "First you insult my boyfriend, then my job, then you-you do this! This is definitely a new low for you Malfoy."

"Look Granger," he said calmly, "find me a nice girl worthy of your stature, and I promise I'll be out of your hair. For good. Isn't that what you want?"

"Tempting," she whispered.

"And you're going to do it aren't you?" he added with a big cheeky grin.

"Yes," she answered defeated. "I will help you find the next Mrs. Draco Malfoy, and YOU will be out of my life, right?"

"Yes," he replied. "I feel all giddy now," he said laughing.

She raised her eyebrow and said: "Perhaps it's the alcohol coming back at you."

"Hmm..that must be it..." he said in a confused tone.

AN: This has been a re-worked chapter and most of my initial mistakes have been deleted or fixed. Thanks for reading! 6/07


	2. MRS MALFOY

**Marrying Off Malfoy**

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own HP. Maybe own plot.

AN: My deepest apologies to my dear beta, I lost the file and am unable to find it. KICKS Curses! As to everyone else: THANK YOU for reviewing this fic, and I do hope that you continue to review. Happy reading.

AN-TWO: Revised a bit, with minor changes in grammar.

**Mrs. Malfoy**

Two weeks later, Hermione was working for Draco Malfoy as his personal assistant and columnist. She would turn Draco's dating endeavors into a monthly column. That meant tailing behind Draco on all of his dates, and asking a lot of questions before and after dates. Draco said she would his "wingman," but so far it's been more like being the parent/maid Draco never had. Hermione was picking up after him at almost every turn, covering up for him to important people, and telling bully magazines to get off his case. All of those things didn't even add up to the hardest of all tasks she had to do for Draco. Dating, even though he's had the most lavish relationships with the pick of the privileged, was NOT his strong point.

Draco had been on three dates, and so far, all three had been complete disasters. The first was a muggle interior designer. She was more interested in Hermione rather than Draco. The second girl seemed normal enough. A lovely witch from a respectable wizarding family. Dinner had gone off without a hitch, but it turns out that the girl had an extreme case of bipolar personality disorder, and two nights later, she saw Draco at another restaurant with his third date and went berserk. Both girls ended up in St. Mungos getting treated for burn wounds.

Working only two weeks for Draco felt like working two years for Hermione. She was exhausted from the ridiculously long hours. She also had to work for Draco as his personal assistant. Making calls, telling people to do this-and-that, and going on dates with him.

"Delivery for Ms. Granger," said a voice breaking into Hermione's concentration. She looked up and saw a man holding up a large bouquet of roses. It was blocking his face, but Hermione knew exactly who it was. She got up from her comfortable leather chair and wrapped her arms around the man's waist.

"You're sickeningly sweet sometimes," she said breaking her embrace and taking the roses from her boyfriend Angus. A tall, dark, AND handsome model. She had done a small piece for a french fashion magazine a year ago, and there she met Angus, looking yummy and absolutely shaggable. They hit it off quite well, and have been dating since.

"You're a bitter person miss, so we cancel each other out," said Angus with a grin. "Anyways, is it a crime to bring your girlfriend flowers at work?" He leaned in and kissed Hermione on the lips lightly.

"It is if it's wasting company time," answered a voice from behind Angus. Hermione looked over and saw Draco leaning on the door frame.

"Lighten up Draco," said Hermione, "go off and get drunk somewhere, you're more bearable drunk."

"I'm not paying you to date during work hours," Draco replied curtly.

"Well when can I date Draco?" Hermione shot back, "You have me working fourteen plus hour days. I see you more than I see my own boyfriend. And believe me, I've seen enough of you to last me another lifetime."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," broke in Angus, "let's not have any fights here." He turned and kissed Hermione on the lips once more and said : "I'll call you later alright?"

"Right," replied Hermione and she watched her lovely super model boyfriend walk past Draco and out of her office. Hermione let out a sigh and turned toward Draco. "Did you need something?

"I just wanted to check up on the worlds best personal assistant," he said casually.

"Don't make me throw up Draco," said Hermione, "what do you really want?"

"I just wanted to see how your column was going along," said Draco, "I don't want to come off as some--"

"Egotistical hardass with a drinking problem?" finished Hermione.

"Yes, that," said Draco. "How's that going?"

"Oh just swell," said Hermione sardonically. "Aside from the fact that you've only had three dates and two of them happen to be in a burn ward, it's coming along peachy."

There was a beat of silence, then he said, "but I come off sly and debonaire right?"

Hermione bit her tongue before replying, "yes, you come off as a total sex god Malfoy. Honestly, Malfoy, is that all you care about? I'm starting to think that you aren't serious about finding a wife."

"Of course I'm serious, but I also have to look good, I am the face of this publication, and if I don't look good, the magazine doesn't look good. Then we'd have to close up shop and a lot of people will be out of a job. Do you want that Hermione? Do you want that on your conscience?"

"Over analyzing prick," muttered Hermione. "It's just a small column Malfoy, the chances of it really being read are small. And if you did have to 'close up shop' YOU will still have billions, and billions of galleons to fall back on, unlike your many employees. So in the long run, you will have no magazine, but still a ridiculously large amount of money. Anyways, from what I've heard, having Maxxed magazine in one's resume gets them places, and it doesn't matter if you were fired or not. So relax."

He scoffed and then said, "well all of your work has to go through me anyways."

"Good, have faith in me," said Hermione. "I will help you find a bleeding wife, and write a fabulous column at the same time. Everyone wins, see?"

"How do you win?" asked Draco.

"Why, I win by getting you out of my life once and for all. And all I have to do is play a little matchmaker."

"You wont even come to the wedding?" he said in mock sadness.

Hermione gave a small laugh, "I MIGHT come to the wedding. If you're a good little alcoholic Draco. Then and only then. Now if there isn't anything else, I think I'm going to pack up and head home." She turned to her desk and started to gather her things.

"Alright I can take a hint," Draco said. "And by the way, my mum's coming in tomorrow. I'm going to need you to be on your least critical tomorrow."

"Not a problem," said Hermione flashing him one of her fake sugar coated smiles. "Should I make reservations for when you two have lunch?"

"Make it for three," he said.

"Three? Who's the third?" asked Hermione, quickly jotting down a note for herself.

"You," he said Draco making Hermione slip and pout a hole into the post it.

"Me?" said Hermione in a half yell, "why, I don't need to be there.."

"Yes you do," Draco cut in. "She's requested that you be there."

Hermione couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Why?" was all she could say.

"To tell you the truth," said Draco, "I haven't the foggiest. So I am just as much in the dark as you are m'dear."

"Oh joy. What fun," said Hermione finishing up the new post it. She gathered up her things and picked up her roses. "I'll see you tomorrow then," she said and disapparated.

The next morning, Maxxed magazine was all a buzz. Word had spread that the boss' mom was coming in and everyone was putting on their best faces. Narcissa Malfoy was a very influential woman, she could get anyone in at any business with little or no effort. Plus, Draco is a very big mother's boy, and loves to please his mother. Get in good with her, and you're set for the rest of your working career.

Contrary to popular belief, Narcissa is not an empty headed blond. Those rumors died down with the whole Malfoy scandal years ago, when money hungry relatives spread about lies to discredit Narcissa and her son. After a very heated battle at the ministry, mother and son walked away fortune unharmed.

Hermione was lining up Draco's next date when the blond pair walked into her office.

"Hermione dear time for lunch," sang Draco knocking on her door lightly. Hermione looked up from her stack of papers and nodded. She uncovered her purse, sealed up her latest letter to the next "Mrs. Hopeful" and followed behind Draco and his mother.

It was easy to tell that Hermione did not fit in at all in their happy bunch. The two chatted about their many businesses not even giving Hermione the time of day. She stayed quiet throughout the whole ride to the restaurant. She didn't have much to say to either of them. She barely tolerated Draco, and didn't know Narcissa at all, they wouldn't have had much to talk about. Once at the restaurant, the two finally noticed that they had another person with them.

"Madame," said their waiter to Hermione, "what would you like to drink?"

Before Hermione could answer, Draco cut I with, "The lady will have a glass of Merlot, as will my mother and myself."

"I can order for myself Draco," chimed Hermione.

"Oh let him be dear," said Mrs. Malfoy, "He always gets like this when his birthday comes around." She paused and added, "Always a bit spacey."

"Your birthday?" said Hermione with a small laugh. "I didn't know your birthday was coming up soon."

Draco gave a small huff and muttered: "It's a very well kept secret." He started to act rather fidgety and looked about the restaurant as if there were people out to kill him. "Why did you want Hermione here mum?" he asked directing the conversation away from him.

"Ah yes," said Narcissa before taking a sip of wine. "I wanted to meet the woman that would be finding my son his future wife, and get her autograph."

Both Hermione and Draco chocked. They couldn't believe what their ears were hearing.

"A-a-autograph?" asked Hermione dumbstruck.

"Are you sure?" joined Draco.

"Yes," said Narcissa, looking like she had nothing out of the ordinary. "I am one of Ms. Granger's most devout readers. I absolutely love her work, Draco. Are you not aware that you have a literary savant in your presence?"

"Uh, well I wouldn't call myself th-that," said Hermione blushing.

"Me neither," muttered Draco. His mother shot him a deadly glare.

"Now," she said turning away from her son, "how about that autograph?" Narcissa pulled out a copy of Witch Weekly and handed it to Hermione.

Lunch was pretty much a blur after that. Hermione never expected to get along so well with Mrs. Malfoy, and neither did Draco. The two women happily chatted, leaving Draco to talk to no one. To him, lunch was the longest hour of his life, while to Hermione, it was the most enjoyable hour she'd had in a long while.

Back at the office, once Mrs. Malfoy was long gone, Draco went to Hermione's office and plopped into the seat across from her desk. "I don't like it, how she likes you. She doesn't make friends with just about anyone, what makes you so special?" he said to her.

"I really don't know," Hermione said, not even looking up from her notes.

"I know my mum really well, and this is the first time I've seen her act like..that. I wouldn't be so trusting with her," said Draco. "She could be using you to get somewhere."

Hermione looked up and cocked her head to the side. "If your mother could hear you now," she said in a disapproving tone.

"You're not going to tell her are you?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

Hermione laughed. "You're not jealous are you? I'll tell you this," she said, "I'm not going to steal your mother away. Lighten up you big hopeless mother's boy."

He scoffed and said: "You can add that to your list of fun quirks about me." He shot her a wide grin, and stood up.

He was almost out the door when Hermione said, "Don't forget that you have a date tomorrow at that fancy french place you like so much."

Draco stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around slowly and asked: "Is she sane?"

"Draco," said Hermione, "I wouldn't pick a woman that would give you a bad reputation by being mentally imbalanced."

"Explain those other girls then!" said Draco.

"You picked them," said Hermione. "You thought they were pretty, remember?"

"Whatever," said Draco.

"Just let me do my job," said Hermione, "that way I can be out of here faster, and I wont have to deal with your immaturity any more."

"Right," said Draco, "well, I'll see you bright and early tomorrow. Try not to miss me too much Hermione dear." He blew her a kiss, and left her office.

AN: Gah! Another chapter done. REVIEW! Please?


	3. Hermione's Pick

**Marrying Off Malfoy**

**Disclaimer: Rowling pwns Me**

**HERMIONE'S PICK**

Draco waltzed into Hermione's office bright and early the next day. He looked quite happy and excited, and Hermione assumed that it was about his date for tonight. She didn't look up from her notes until much too late. Being so completely absorbed with her little quips about the past three dates for her article that she didn't notice Draco plop himself right in front of her. She raised her head and found herself nose to nose with her boss. He wore a big grin, and looked absolutely manic.

Hermione began to brace herself for the worst of news, she let out a breath and pulled her head back.

"You need a mint," Draco said wrinkling his nose. Hermione blushed and pursed her lips self consciously. "But that's not what I came here for," he continued despite her embarrassment, "I've got an idea. It came to me last night as I was thinking about what my mother said yesterday afternoon." Hermione only nodded, "every year, my mother takes it upon herself to organize my birthday party. And I'm not particularly keen on the whole party idea, but my mother insists on it."

"Yes.." Hermione cocked her head to the side, "I can't imagine that this is going anywhere constructive Draco."

"It is!" he cut it, "I'm going to have you help her, so I wont be surprised by some ghastly invitee slash ex-girlfriend, or relative that I'm not fond of. And trust me, none of my exes are particularly fond of me either, pertaining to the matter of which we . . . uh broke off all contact. And every year there are at least five that slip through the screening process."

"No," Hermione replied. "This is beginning to sound like a train wreck waiting to happen Draco, I'm not going to have a part of it. If you can't deal with your ex-girlfriends, then perhaps you should stop 'escaping' them in the strange manner that you always happen to do." Draco looked desperate all of a sudden, and he began berating her with story after story of his past parties that turned into disasters. Thirty four minutes of wild gesticulating and several "WHAM!" "SPLAT!" and "I HATE YOU's" he ended with the phrase that Hermione could not turn away from, and despite her great disdain for Draco's Casanova habits she agreed to help his mother plan his birthday party. "I just want to have ONE decent birthday party Hermione" he said, and Hermione felt a sudden vice like grip on her lungs, and she felt sorry for him.

The boy who got everything, had everything but happiness. Hermione could tell that he was still that little sad boy inside, even if he pretended to be an adult making important decisions, he was still a little boy at heart. "I'll do it Draco," she said, "on one condition."

"What kind of condition," Draco said eying her suspiciously.

"You will have a date," Hermione said, "of my choosing, and you will be nice and you will behave yourself. I'll write it up as MAXXED magazine's event of the year, raffle off a dinner date with you before the party open to all sexes and kinds. You will be nice, and you will behave yourself." Hermione smiled and Draco looked utterly put out.

He paced the floor of her office for several minutes before saying: "technically that's seven things, but I agree to your demands. My mother will owl you details, times, people and I don't know and caterers etcetera, etcetera. And I expect you ready for tonight by five thirty."

And then he left.

Hermione leaned back in her chair, feeling like she had won an argument. She began making phone calls in preparation for Draco's date that night. Draco requested the restaurant because of it's closeness to a fire station. Which was fine with Hermione since she had already dined at that particular restaurant and found it more than satisfactory. It was quite fancy, specializing in spicy food, albeit spicy French food. It was owned by a famous actor and actress duo, Hermione thought that his next date would be impressed by it.

As part of the contest the women that go on dates with Draco are treated to an all day spa treatment followed with a "Build-Your-Perfect-Date-Outfit" run with the fashion director of MAXXED and a photo session for Hermione's column. The women didn't know it, but it was secretly a way to keep track of them for the whole day prior to the date. So they didn't go about blabbing their whole schedule to a reporter. The last thing that they needed was paparazzi snapping pictures during dinner. The planning was quite top secret, women are chosen in advance, replacements are hired and transformed into the woman to fill in as her for the day, and the lucky girl is picked up by limo the night before their date and taken to a guarded and fully surveillanced Five Star Hotel at the expense of Draco Malfoy himself. Only there are they prepped about the day that they are to have, their schedule, and on their date with Draco. Do's and don'ts and such. From then on they are never alone.

Hermione phoned the spa that Ms. Savannah Patrick was being pampered to check on her progress. The woman at the desk said that Savannah was in the middle of a massage at the moment, and that she had mani/pedi to follow that. Her hair appointment wasn't until after lunch, which worried Hermione a little. One o' clock was much too late to have her hair cut and styled and have her ensemble picked out. The head photographer would set cockroaches free in her office again if this woman was late like the other three. For the sake of a cockroach free office Hermione drew in a breath and said: "Millie dear, tell the masseuse to hurry it up, and push the mani/pedi. And also bring her hair appointment to eleven and feed her there if it runs into lunch. Gustav will have both of our heads if we keep this one from being on time to his shoot."

"Yes of course Ms. Granger," Millie replied in her candy apple sweet voice. "We'll have Ms. Patrick groomed and on your way by One Thirty."

"Thank you dear that will be all," Hermione mimed in the sweet tone. They hung up and Hermione bit her lip for mocking Millie. Draco had teased once that they were all like that at the spa, something about the about the Cheery Cherry Mask and Exfoliant seeping into your brain and mind control.

Ms. Savannah Patrick was Hermione's pick for tonight's date. She was a teacher, and a great fan of horticulture. A witch of great merit, but she's chosen to live a muggle life, stating in her application that: "It was more trouble than it was worth." She entered the contest to prove that prove that women like her (smart, bookish, and plain) hardly ever get picked to be participants in contests like these, let alone win. Hermione knew that never in a million years would Draco pick her in a line up to be his date so she did it for him. Looking from the picture that Savannah had provided, she was to a tee just as she described herself. Horn rimmed glasses, mousy brown hair, no make up, and clothes that hid every curve on her body. When Hermione saw her picture she immediately thought, "Aren't you someone trying real hard to be invisible?" And that was how she chose Savannah Patrick, because of her wish to be invisible and for her complete contrast to everything Draco stood for. It would give Draco a chance to talk to someone that disagreed with him, aside from Hermione, and really start to improve his dating skills. Hermione hoped they would hit it off since Draco hated to lose arguments and she knew that Savannah would give him his money's worth in semantics, and if she knew Draco he would insist on another date until he won an argument. Which Hermione doubted would be on the first date.

Hermione finished up her article on the first three dates, titling it "A Rocky Start." She printed it and sent it off to Draco's office with a runner. She had enough time left over to go home and answer letters from her friends and family. Most of the time it was the usual "IT'S A BOY!(or GIRL!)" cards, or a note from her parents asking when she'll be by for dinner. Hermione sorted her mail accordingly: bill, bill, invoice, parents, Harry, bill, invitation, notice, Mrs. Weasely, Bill, a letter from the post office about fanmail, work, work, work bill, Harry (again), catalog. Hermione saved the last letter in the pile to be first opened. It was from Angus, apparently he had to go off to France and wouldn't be back for another two weeks, she could tell that he'd just stuffed it into her mail slot because it didn't have a stamp and was written hurriedly. The rest of her mail didn't bear depressing news. Harry was to become a father, and the second Harry letter was addressee to Mrs. Weasely also saying that he was to become a father. Harry in his confusion told Hedwig to bring her both the letters. Mrs. Weasely's letter concerned a baby shower so Hermione assumed that she didn't have to forward Harry's letter to her since she'd already gotten the news. Bill's was a 'thank you' for "the wonderful piece in the Prophet," and invited her to dinner with him and the wife. The notice was from her dry cleaners about her clothes being ready, and the invitation was to Draco's 28th Birthday Party.

Actually Hermione had four copies of the invitation, each a different style and color and a small note that fell out of the envelope that simply said "Choose one." Hermione could not believe that she was already getting planning responsibilities when she had only agreed no less than two hours ago. Obviously Draco knew I would agree and had these already sent off before I even said yes, Hermione thought.

Manipulative little bugger.

Instead of picking a fight with Draco about it, she finished answering her letters, and picked an invitation to send back. She made a sandwich for lunch, and ran out of mayonnaise. Afterward she went to pick up her dry-cleaning, which was her date outfit for that night. Nothing too flashy, just a plain black dress, after all she wasn't there for pleasure but business, so she wanted to stay as much in the periphery as possible. Which is hard when you're fielding phone calls pretty much all of dinner about Draco's appointments and engagements. She had wanted a separate table, but Draco insisted that she sit with them.

"You're just being insecure," Hermione said on the first date with Penny Garber, but since then Hermione'd conceded to his fancy. The first date had gone swimmingly, until Penny slipped Hermione her phone number. The second date with Amanda Strongholder was perfect, Draco and Amanda got off real well, pleasant conversation, good dinner, good night. Until Camilla (just Camilla) came into the picture. The third date, which Hermione thought would be a winner as well thinking Draco's pick in women had improved since Penny, unfortunately for Hermione, Amanda came storming into the restaurant wand raised and interrupted Camilla's "fascinating" story about how she spends her days being a professional virgin. "Fascinating" was all Draco could say, he didn't seem to get past the words "Professional Virgin."

"I go to all sorts of functions requiring a virgin's touch," Camilla rattled on completely in her own world. "Special coming of age ceremonies, I went to Africa for a whole month because all sorts of tribes needed a 'presence' and being my cheerful self in general I brighten up people's day just by walking down the street. FREE OF CHARGE! Except I don't do sacrifices, I'd be out of a job!" she followed that with her charming laugh. "Hehahaha," every third "ha" she would breath in making her sound asthmatic. In the middle of her full recount of her misadventures with the language Ndebele, Amanda came and set her hair on fire, then found it necessary to pummel Camilla's face after lunging at her from the other side of the table. Needless to say, it was the burn ward for the both of them, fire damage that Draco had to pay for, and back to square one for them of them in the dating arena. According to the reports, Amanda had been waiting for Draco to call her back, and when that didn't happen in the span of a day, she began following him around. Hermione was glad that Amanda didn't attack her.

"Got to look out for number one!" as Draco often said as he found ways to slip out of meetings that he found tedious, to instead spend in his office doing something that was the antithesis of tedious Hermione hoped.

Hermione checked her watch and headed her way back to work. Savannah would be in the make up chair by now being prodded by the team of hair and make-up people probably disapproving of the way her hair was cut not even forty minutes ago, and "tsk, tsk-ing" at her poor posture, and garbling on about her wonderful skin from her lack of make-up application (or the opposite.) They did that with everyone that walked into their domain. Hermione arrived at MAXXED magazine's gleaming white walls, and shiny black counters. At two fifteen was when Hermione finally made her way to the fashion department knowing that Gustav was there shooing away the emergency fix woman off of Savannah. It was like clockwork, only this time she wasn't greeted with Gustav's "Evil Eye." It was rumored that he had singlehandedly caused a prime model to break her leg because she had been impertinent with him during a shoot. One look of the "Eye" and her career was no more. Hermione was not about to attempt to debunk that rumor, knowing full well that magic is more than what the textbooks tell you of.

"Hermione," Gustav sent with a large hint of an unknown accent, "is that what you are wearing tonight?" His eyes widened and then smalled with disapproval at her dry-cleaning bag, and his mouth formed a frown. Hermione rolled her eyes, and approached Savannah to introduce herself.

"If you're not mocking me Gustav, you're showing me disdain," Hermione said disregarding his question. "Hello, Savannah. I'm Hermione Granger, the coordinator of 'Dating Draco' and I'm pretty much responsible for the awful day you've had so if you want to blame anyone it's me." They shook hands and Hermione waited for flighty emergency fix woman to finish touching her up.

"Don't be silly," said Savannah as she was finally prodded for the last time (for that hour at least,) and she came and sat down with Hermione. "I've had a wonderful day. Everyone's been so nice, except those people in make up who seem to like pointing out your each and every flaw."

Hermione laughed, "Oh don't mind them, they're only beautiful on the outside that's why." Savannah relaxed considerably at Hermione's joke and began talking freely with her. "We've got a couple of minutes before they whisk you away to try several outfits on so let's cut to the chase . . ."

And then her phone rang. Hermione knew who it was, but could not fathom for the life of her what could be the emergency this time. She opened her cell and Draco's voice came into her ear. "Do you think the restaurant'll have a vegetarian menu?" he asked.

"Why is it important?" Hermione asked.

"Because my horos-" Hermione hung up. She directed her attention back to Savannah and began asking her the usual preliminary questions. They had a good start and finish. Gustav was kind enough to wait for Hermione's interview to finish before taking Savannah away to be dressed and photographed. Hermione decided that now would be as good as ever to call the restaurant and ask them about their vegetarian menu. After confirming a vegetarian menu she called the florist about the status of their bouquet of roses. A single rose for dinner, and a bouquet to be sent to her home at the end of the date. Everything was going well and in order, and for the first time in the almost three weeks she'd been working for Draco, she was ahead of schedule. She let out a deep breath and went to change into her dress, even if she was ahead of schedule, she still had a long night ahead of her, and she only hoped that she wouldn't have to rewrite her article to include tonight's date.

Assured that everything was going according to plan, Hermione made her way back to her office, barely a few feet from Draco's and went in to relax. Only when she sat down in her big leather chair did she realize that she had been on her feet almost the whole day. Her feet, felt sore from all her pacing during phone calls, and walking to and fro from one department to another checking and double checking all sorts of minutia for Draco before the magazine went to Draco's desk for a stamp of approval. Or else it would be another late week for Hermione, running errands and telling people to stop standing around. Draco confided that before her, he would drive the other editors half mad from hovering around their department if he felt they were lagging in quality. That since her, the editors have been a lot less on the edge, and a lot friendlier. "I even heard them laughing at underprivileged children the other day," he said as if it were a good thing they were happy over someone else's misfortune; especially children.

Five thirty rolled around and Hermione was already in Draco's office prepping him on Savannah. She showed him her before picture, since that was all she had at the moment, he looked mildly repulsed; 'old habits die hard,' thought Hermione. Gave Draco her background: teacher, no magic, etc, etc. He only rolled his eyes, which was an improvement from repulsed. Hermione trudged on, giving him topics to steer away from such as ex-boyfriends or girlfriends, and politics (magic and muggle alike.) She also gave him topics to hit on just in case of a lull; plants, herboligy, and fine arts. "And remember, tonight isn't about you Draco," Hermione began, "it's about getting to know her. So listen, and actually absorb what she's saying, don't just nod like you do in staff meetings, and–"

Hermione glared at him. "Like right now."

Draco knew he had been caught, and said: "Yes, yes Hermione, I will be nice and I will behave. Is that all?" Patience never was Draco's strong point. "I just hope she's not a total hag like that picture you showed me, her hair was like the opposite of yours back in Hogwarts. Limp, instead of a bird's nest."

Hermione let out a breath. "I know Draco, I was the one living it. I know I was awkward then, and you know what?" Hermione asked him. "It still hurts to be teased Draco, I had hoped that you had grown out of that." She looked at her shoes to avoid eye contact. Nearly ten years after Hogwarts, and she still felt the old wounds she had from being made fun of for the way she looked. And even though she had grown out of it, the scars were still there. "I'll see you at the restaurant," she said not looking up, and she left to retrieve Savannah.

Hermione was glad that she rode with the girls to the restaurant that night. She would have time alone with her thoughts, or distract herself by putting Savannah's mind at ease about her date. That's what she had done for the past two dates, and she did it again for this one. Soon the fifteen minute drive was over, and the door was opened, not by the chauffeur, but by Draco himself. Hermione clambered out of the limo to make room for Savannah to take his offered hand. He had meant it for her, but she snubbed it, and helped herself out. She watched him go through the motions, introduction and salutations (check), then he gives her the single rose (check), they smile (check), then on to the restaurant (check), and one long night (check.)

Hermione was extra quiet that evening. She ate quietly, and scratched her pen to paper softly and made no remarks when Draco dug himself into a hole he couldn't get out of. Despite her lack of involvement, the date moved quite smoothly, and Hermione was thankful for that. The two held pleasant conversation, trading questions and answers, until Savannah hit on a question never asked previously. It was so out of the blue, that it took Draco by shock, and it perked up Hermione's ears.

"So why get married?" said Savannah. Draco nearly chocked and his eyes looked like they could pop out. "I don't mean to pry but you're at your bachelorhood peak, why clip it before you reach your pinnacle?"

"Well," he said with a nervous chuckle. He ran his fingers through his hair and got real close to Savannah's face until they were forehead to forehead, "my paternal clock is running." He smirked.

"Oh you are a joker!" chimed Savannah pulling back from their semi-private powwow in the center of the table. Draco may have managed to sway Savannah from the question, but Hermione was still on the same track. The thought ran to the back of her head, and sat and stewed.

Dinner seemed to be a blur to Hermione, her notes looked foreign by the end of the night. She stopped paying attention the two, and stared off until the check came. She rose with them to leave and left the restaurant.

"I had such a wonderful time," said Savannah to Draco. She held her rose, and was all grins. Draco returned her thanks, and helped her into the limo.

"Have a good night," he said as he closed the door, but before doing so, he swooped down and planted a kiss on Savannah's cheek. The limo drove off, and left Draco and Hermione standing outside the restaurant. It left them, in an awkward silence. They hadn't spoken since their conflict in his office, a soft breeze blew through them, and the awkwardness continued. They just stood there, playing glance tag, until Hermione finally found her voice.

"Well," she said, "I'm just going to walk home." Draco looked like he was about to say something, but he didn't. "I'm that way," Hermione said, and walked past Draco to her flat three blocks down. Draco let her pass, wordlessly, although he seemed to have a lot to say. She kept walking, no less than fifteen paces she heard him call out.

"I!" he said. Hermione turned around and waited for him to finish. He scratched his finely quaffed head, and then continued. "I- I liked her." he finally managed to get out. Hermione only nodded, she was going to turn around, but he started talking again. "I'm . . sorry, for . . . what I said." Hermione swallowed a lump in her throat that she never realized was there before.

**AN: ha, so this is where this chapter ends. Leave a review to tell me how much I suck for ending like that. I didn't beta, so please bear with me until I get one. Those interested are free to PM me, and we'll see how it works out.**

**Thank-you's are in order for: **princess-of-all things-sweet, Panther Eyes (You'll have to keep reading to find that out), dragoneyes5000, rons-girl-forever, Cards (I love you, but I don't Love you, Love you,) villainvalkyrie, bookwormatcams, Rainbow sunchild (I'm sorry I failed you in updating soon), lawee (I love you, love you(, MsLessa (Giggles, I find are the best remedy for boring days, thanks for the consideration), Lillia111, Etre-loup de Madame (Well would you say "Yes" to a proposal based on the last bottle of rum you're guy had? If he were cute, maybe... jk), Artemis MoonClaw, Chrissy8887779999 (Narcissa sure does seem like she has something up her cloak sleeve doesn't it? I'm teasing, but I do hope you keep reading despite my long, LOOONG vacation,) dragon-hottie, xangel-luvx, Crystallized Snow, foxeran (Two Weeks Notice is one of my favorite Hugh Grant movies, right after Love Actually. He's TEH pretty) , Cereza, mesmer, XxAnimeLover14xX (I'm sorry it took me a long time to get this chapter out too), and ALL ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS!

Thank you, and please tell me what you thought about this chapter and the previous chapters in a little review. The comments I recieve that might hint to a future development in the story is always something I don't mind further hinting at some more in the aformentioned thankyou reviews.


	4. A Rocky Start

**MARRYING OFF MALFOY**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine still, not surprising.**

_A Rocky Start_  
_Third Time's Not the Charm_  
By Hermione Granger

_Perhaps a little introduction is in order for __**Maxxed **__magazine's devoted readers. I am Hermione Granger and I am Draco Malfoy's matchmaker. I detest the title, but in all simplicity, that is what I do for Mr. Malfoy, I am here writing this column to help find a wife for Draco. We, that is Draco and I, are glad to see that so many of you fine young women are interested in becoming __The Next Mrs. Malfoy__, and would like to thank you all for applications and recommendations. _

_With that aside, let me tell you about Draco's first three dates. First, there was __**Penny G**__., a fine young woman, pretty and a great person to converse with. On Draco's first date with Penny, everything went absolutely perfect, and I personally could not have asked for a better start to our Wife Quest. Draco liked her most assuredly. There was only one thing to be really frowned upon with Penny, and that would be her wandering eye. _

_Not in the literal sense of course, her eyes are perfectly symmetrical and in the correct places, but Ms. Penny has a penchant for the fairer sex, much like Mr. Malfoy. Although I am flattered that she fancied me of all people, I am not looking for a partner for myself and thus we crossed Penny G. off of our list. _

_The second date was with an __**Amanda S**__., she was also a lovely young woman, and from a respectable family of her own. Draco and Amanda hit it off swimmingly and Draco promised to call her for another date. (On a side note Draco does do all of the second, third etc, date calls and is the one that will clear all future plans with datees. As of late, there has not been a second date call offered to the three young women whom we've seen.) _

_Unfortunately for us, we must have broken a Dating Rule by not abiding to the three days wait, and Amanda S. was upset with us when she saw Draco and I on the third first date with __**Camilla**__ (Just Camilla, didn't ask why but I'm sure she had a good reason for having no last name like Cher). The trouble started, according to the police report, when __**Amanda S**__. saw Draco going from the office to the date with Camilla. She followed, quite irately I would guess, and waited until entrée's to violently attack Camilla in the middle of her job description. We have sent flowers to both young ladies detailing how very sorry we are for the incident and mix up. It is yet to be seen whether Draco will give Camilla a ring for a second date, or a completion of their first, but should that happen I will be there to relay all of the important business into print. _

_Now to have you lovely readers sitting on the edge of your futons, I shall leave you with this little morsel from Draco's Fourth First Date with a __**Savannah P**__. . . . _

_**SECOND DATE.**_

Hermione closed the magazine after seeing the picture they'd put on for her column. She wouldn't say it was an ugly picture, but she wouldn't say that it was an exact likeness either. The day that picture was taken she'd spent a grueling amount of time in the makeup chair, being primed and poked so that the end result was some glamorized face and body that was never present when Hermione first woke in the morning. It was her magazine counterpart that smiled back at her, a shiny and unrecognizable Hermione Granger. Sighing, Hermione put the magazine to the side and re-read her wrap up of Draco's date with Savannah. Also on her desk were piles and piles of things to do for Draco's birthday that his mother had sent over, and an ad to be okayed by her for the _**Birthdate**_ Contest to be put in the magazine. The past three days she had been looking over pictures of ex-girlfriends and relatives that have been banned from all Malfoy events for one thing or another.

Draco walked into her office and started speaking; Hermione had stopped listening past the first couple of words when she learned that it was more Birthday Party talk. I hate my job, she thought. Hermione looked up from her work and watched Draco pace the room; he'd taken to doing that whenever this subject came up. He was obviously nervous about something that he had yet to tell her, and frankly Hermione was getting tired of it.

" . . . I think that the Birthdate thing should be cancelled Hermione," Draco finally said. "It's a waste of resources in my opinion and the party wont suffer a bit if it's cut."

"Draco the whole reason I am helping your mother plan your party is because you agreed to let me write up your party as a date story, and the party will suffer if the person you have covering this story is anyone but me. Lockley will turn it into a who's who event, and the rest of your magazine writers are green when it comes to gala events like this. Now do you agree to the Birthdate or will I just have to send all of this work back to your mother?" Hermione said with a huff. Four times he' tried to cancel Hermione's conditions for the party, and each time Hermione shot him down.

"I can get anyone to replace you in a heartbeat," Draco grumbled.

"You could, but you wont," said Hermione with a smile.

Hermione hated being smug about her talents but all that she said was true, and Draco knew that if she dropped from his magazine he'd be losing one of the most coveted young writers in the wizard and muggle literary world. Hermione watched Draco debate the pros and cons of having Hermione as an employee for the millionth time, and finally he shrugged.

"Lunch then?" Draco said in answer. Hermione's response was to gather up her purse and jacket and walk out of the door.

Lunch had become a regular event with Hermione and Draco. Although they quibbled about unimportant things, as long as the food was good and the service snappy it never escalated to anything big.

Today a strange thing happened at lunch that sent Hermione into the worst tirade, poor Draco was left by his lonesome to calm the beast Hermione became that afternoon. The day would go down in history as the day Hermione Granger blew a wall down at the Gilroy Park Bistro.

The events are as follows:

**12:15 PM:** an owl drops parcel at Draco and Hermione's table; interrupting their argument on the Birthdate arrangements.

**12:18 PM:** Restaurant servers see Hermione turn bright red and throw salad and the flower setting on the floor and upturned the table in a blind impotent rage.

**12:25 PM:** A shrieking Hermione is wrestled to the ground by Draco and forcibly removed from the restaurant.

Hermione struggled in Draco's grip but it was all for naught. He had her snugly slung over his shoulder and no amount of beating her fists on his back would let Draco loosen his hold. Draco finally let her down in a back alley of a reconsignment store, and Hermione couldn't find words to express her anger and frustration. Draco, out of breath from carrying Hermione half a block crossed his arms and waited impatiently for Hermione to come to her senses.

"Explain," he demanded tactlessly, "and it better be good."

The rage that had built up in Hermione so quickly was subsiding and was beginning to be replaced with sadness. The parcel that was delivered at the table was an as of yet unpublished edition of a tabloid magazine and on the cover was the smiling face of a newly married couple, one half of which was her boyfriend of almost one year. She didn't finish reading the title for she knew that it would only tell her more bad news. The magazine in question was still crumpled in her hand, and she looked at the bunched pages and threw it at the ground where Draco stood. "I have been made an utter fool of, and I have no better excuse for my actions than HE DOES," she spat never taking her eyes off the crumpled glossy cover.

Draco bent and picked up the periodical and saw the root of Hermione's frustration. _Heiress and The Statue Wed, The Fairytale Romance that Started it ALL! _the bold print read in a bright cyan, the picture was of Angus and a rat faced woman he took to be the "heiress," in their wedding attire glory. His brow furrowed and he threw the magazine away.

"I never liked him for you," he said finally, he waited for Hermione to stop pacing the small back alley to take a step closer. "He was a bum," he continued, "always seemed to be trying too hard. You're better off without him. He-"

"I loved him," Hermione interjected. She stopped pacing and looked Draco squarely in the eyes. To him she looked rather small, and he would be right in his assumption that Hermione felt quite pathetic. "I blew up a wall."

"The wall will be fixed in time Hermione," Draco said. "Walls get banged up and holes are put in them all the time, but when they get knocked down they get built back up better than new."

"I hope the wall wont be so easy to break once it's up again," said Hermione and her shoulders slumped. Draco strode over to where Hermione stood and wrapped his long arm around her.

"How about we take the rest of the day off," he said in a quiet voice, "and get plastered?"

For once Hermione didn't argue.

The following day was business as usual, although the tabloid had hit shelves and it was all over _MAXXED_'s floor that Angus had shown himself to be a tramp and when Hermione entered through the front doors she was flooded with various degrees of feigned concern. She had her hangover in tow and did not feel like pretending to care about their curiosity, so she breezed past them not answering one query. Once at her office she saw owls had stacked letters on her desk in the short time that the magazine has been on the stands. Most were other tabloids asking her to give them an exclusive interview and the like; none were from Harry or Ron so she knew that they hadn't yet seen the news. Or if they had they were personally hunting Angus down to make a new statue that resembled rubble. Underneath all of the inquiries was a note from Draco and all it read was:

_Say the word and I can have him "disappear."_

_ -Draco_

For the first time all morning Hermione smiled, but that was short lived as Ron came bursting through her office door with security guards at his tail. "Harry tried to hold them off and I ran up here as fast as I could," Ron gasped. Hermione waved the security guards away and motioned for them to unhand Harry. She was swallowed up in the most heartfelt embrace by the two and they both expressed their frustrations over her failed relationship's most recent development.

"I wish I'd known the guy was a scumbag sooner," lamented Harry.

"It's alright you two," said Hermione, "I'm not nearly as angry as I was yesterday afternoon." The two looked at her quizzically and she relayed the last twenty four hours back to her male friends. They listened intently and nodded in the places she expected them to.

"Any idea who sent it?" asked Ron.

"My guess would be the head editor," said Hermione skeptically, "but in truth my guess is really as good as yours. For all I know it could have been Angus himself, and he just wanted to . . . I don't know."

"So you really went drinking with Malfoy?" asked Harry in a jovial tone.

Hermione smiled and nodded. It was true that she and Draco had found quite a rowdy pub and quickly drowned her sorrows in awful watered down rum and vodka and by near morning they had bought several rounds of lagers for the pub's regular patrons. They were eventually fetched by an intern from _MAXXED_ and taken to their respective homes.

"I really don't know what happened at the pub, except that Draco knows all the words to ABBA songs. Really strange," Hermione said shaking her head. "And something about a bloke named 'Charlie' needing a-a-um pair of sparkler pugs." Hermione wracked her brain trying to recover as much memory possible, for the amount of alcohol she consumed in relation to her meager recollection of last night's events made her quite unsettled.

"Maybe he meant 'spark plugs,'" helped Harry.

"And maybe he meant fireworks and pugs. He might be wanted for arson right now, not to mention animal cruelty," chimed Ron.

"I think it's time you two left so I could get some work done," said Hermione, laughing at Ron's response.

She felt less hollow.

When the pair had left Hermione sat in her office feeling sorry for herself. It was the first time since the afternoon before she had let the feeling wash over her and she wallowed in it briefly. Hermione closed her eyes and examined the failure that was her relationship with Angus. The more Hermione thought about it the more she came to see that she was fortunate to have Angus out of her life. She didn't hate him, but she was angry, and hurt. Breathing deeply she let the remaining feelings of fondness for her ex-boyfriend drain from her body, and she felt her fingers become lighter and more and more her office began to look brighter and welcoming. She thought of all the good that Angus had brought into her life; silently she thanked him for the kindness he showed her, and the intimacy they shared. She pardoned his flaws and his weakness in loyalty, and determined that it is not she who has lost but instead has gained freedom. She sat like this for a long time, reveling in the relief that filled her body.

"Are you done humming to yourself?" Hermione didn't open her eyes for she knew it was Draco Malfoy. He had a way of entering her office quite discreetly; it was a source of great irritation to Hermione.

"I wasn't humming," Hermione replied. She opened her eyes and saw Draco sitting across her, and he looked as if he hadn't been drinking at all.

"No, it was more of an 'mm' and 'amhmm' sound," he said. "You're not paid to day dream, no matter how err appealing your fantasies are."

"Not funny," Hermione said acidly. Changing the subject Hermione fished her date book out and found the note she was looking for. "I have lunch with your mother today, is this why you're here?"

Draco frowned and sat more rigidly in his seat. She hit his motives right on the nose. She leaned back in her seat and let her hangover buzz around her. Draco began pacing, and added to the noise in her head.

"I want to know what it is you plan on talking about with mother," he said curtly, "She's up to something, it's been causing the hairs on my arm to stand on end since I last saw her."

"You're just being paranoid," Hermione said. "She wants this party to be a hit just as much as you do."

"She wants this party to be a meat market, and I'm the one on sale," replied Draco, still pacing. "Something is not as it should be Hermione, and I need you to find out what she's up to. I'm never wrong about these things. Mother's got something cooking in that cauldron of hers. . ."

"She just wants what's best for you," replied Hermione. "I'll try to steer her away from anything too taxing on you, I promise. If you really think that she's got something planned, then I'll use my investigatory skills to glean those facts from her."

"Now you're finally working for the absurdly large amount of money I pay you," Draco said happily. "If you could also find out what the family secret is, that would be great." He paced straight out of the room and was gone.

Hermione rolled her eyes and let the buzz continue to throw a party in her head. Her phone rang and she wondered about letting it go to machine. Two rings, three, and finally she picked up. A voice came on that she didn't think she'd hear from so quickly.

"Hermione," Angus' voice came from the receiver, "I'm very sorry."

**AN: **Thanks to everyone who's faved this fic, and signed up for alerts on it. A great big thanks to the following: midnight solitaire, anna, Queen of the Scoubies, dragoneyes5000, Anno Domini, Mysterygalwolf, princecharmprincesswit, and Lisel. Sorry for the long space between updates, and I'll try to make the chapters longer to compensate.

Please Review!


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